We suffer through and report back on the worst and weirdest documentaries you can stream.
Episodes
Sunday Sep 22, 2019
Sunday Sep 22, 2019
Kelly is a no-budget horror film director who often casts his movies from Craig’s List and whoever happens to be on set. He’s just wrapped on The Mephisto Box, a film featuring telekinesis, astral travel, flying daggers, and a woman in a wheelchair restoring her legs through the power of Satan.
But his film is missing something! It needs more production value, and by that he means more action, more blood, a submissive who can resurrect the dead, and a new lead character played by Alison Arngrim, aka Nellie Oleson from Little House of the Prairie.
Before it’s all said and done Kelly will film over 100 hours of footage, and we’ll see TV’s Nellie Oleson pay homage to her past, kill a man wearing a bird feeder on his groin, and make a very unappetizing S’more.
We’re left feeling like no kitchen sink is safe from Kelly, but we are absolutely won over by Alison’s good-natured charm.
Featuring guest appearances by Werner Herzog, Promise Keepers, that “Heaven is for Real” kid, and a European accent we can’t quite place.
We're suffering through and reporting back on Hush Hush, Nellie Oleson, available to stream on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday Sep 08, 2019
Sunday Sep 08, 2019
Meet Troy. He’s a “Pain don’t hurt” sorta fella with a mullet, a raspberry beret, and a giant 150-pound suit designed to withstand an encounter with a grizzly bear.
When a younger Troy stares down a grizzly bear and lives to tell the very lengthy tale, it launches him on a lifelong journey to once again face the beast, but this time without leaving anything to chance.
To that end, Troy has spent a lot of his life and a lot of his money making a suit that is resistant to fire, arrows, shotguns, falling logs, and truck-mounted mattresses. You would think Troy is literally ready for bear, until you see him put on the suit and try to walk in it.
Along the way we’ll ponder how many decades you lose in the American-Canadian cultural exchange rate, discuss which bear is the gateway bear, and “ride the thunder” as we engage in close quarter bear research.
Despite Troy’s assertions, the one thing this story is not is erotic.
Featuring guest appearances by Ultraman, Patrick Swayze, and the worst Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
We're suffering through and reporting back on Project Grizzly, available to stream on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday Aug 11, 2019
Sunday Aug 11, 2019
Let's just get this out of the way: The title of this documentary is a bald-faced lie.
Yes, we've got chicken near-death experiences and mouth-to-beak CPR.
Yes, we've got a woman appearing to skinny dip with a rooster, giving him a blow-dry, and then loading him into her boxy 70s car to go solve crimes.
We've certainly got a headless chicken getting his shot at the big time and starring in a story that may have inspired John Woo's Face/Off.
And we've even got a chicken letting go and letting God as a midwestern pastor stretches for next Sunday's sermon and hitting his Reader's Digest word count.
But we absolutely do not have anything about the natural history of the chicken. And frankly, we don't care, because friend, if you were EVER going to watch something we’ve watched for this podcast, this is the one to watch.
Featuring Emmy-worthy animal acting (seriously) and guest appearances by Jesus, Sun Tzu, and the DaVinci Chicken, only one documentary will make you ponder one of the biggest questions in life: If a chicken eats a cow, and you eat that chicken, are you now eating red meat?
We’re watching Natural History of the Chicken, available to stream for free on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday Jul 14, 2019
Sunday Jul 14, 2019
Meet Joe, a special effects artist "tricked" by his "friends" -- a "pedophile" and an "adulterer" -- into going on a "reality" TV show.
Okay, all the quotations are going to get tiring, but just assume that pretty much EVERYTHING you hear from Joe should be in air quotes.
From flailing four-mile runs and frantic phone calls to verbally harassing a guy just trying to eat a salad, this documentary proves that while you may be small in stature, you can still be huge on harboring grudges and maintaining a choke hold on resentment.
Along the way Joe DOES indirectly give our podcast a reason to exist... but not before taking a dump on a Goonie.
Oh, Joe.
We're suffering through and reporting back on Frankenfake, available to stream on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday Jun 30, 2019
Sunday Jun 30, 2019
It’s 2010 and Proposition 19 could fully legalize marijuana in California. There are intelligent arguments on both sides of the issue. There are serious debates.
But right now it’s time for a dubstep break. And another dubstep break. And some rapping. And then more dubstep. And then hippy educational songs about weed. And then more dubstep.
This is a documentary that wants to be a musical that bills itself as a comedy that is actually the script treatment for the next Jurassic Park movie.
If it sounds like this film is all over the place, a lot of the blame (and, to be honest, credit) can be laid at the feet of Ix, a younger-than-you-would-guess stoner who makes bongs from produce and humps the display cases at her local marijuana dispensary. When she’s not advancing the culinary arts by putting marijuana in literally everything she makes, she’s popping bed bugs, slapping the D, and … writing for NASA? Wait, what?
Thrill as two pot virgins who nevertheless support the legalization of marijuana muddle their way through the music and musings of a movement. Along the way, we’ll also explore parental acceptance and disapproval, discuss bad names for your daughter, and listen to So. Much. Dubstep.
Welcome to California 90420. You can’t buy love, but you CAN buy a lot of weed.
Featuring special guest co-host Jaime Hunt, who somehow has a gift for finding these cinematic train wrecks.
We’re suffering through and reporting back on California 90420, available to stream for free on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday Jun 02, 2019
Sunday Jun 02, 2019
Meet Frankie and Browser, two cats who have nothing to do with each other. Their only connection appears to be that their owners both use Facebook. What a small world!
This might be the first time a movie has ever been padded out by shoehorning in a cat from Minnesota, and then to top it all off, they didn't even think to title this trainwreck, "A Tail of Two Kitties." What a missed opportunity! And speaking of missing things...
When Frankie the Cat goes missing, he can only be found by Jack, renowned(?) cat tracker, possible Craigslist stalker, and inventor of the Cat Flasher, the world's dumbest way to find a missing cat. Jack is using every means at his disposal, including his own cat allergies, to find Frankie before it's time to stare into the middle distance and move on to the next case.
Along the way, we discuss a librarian who hates leash laws as much as she loves vibrators, we consider this year's Forbes list of Most Influential Cats, and we posit that the Game of Thrones showrunners have seen this documentary and took it way too much to heart.
All's well that ends well, but we gotta cut this short and get inside because the mosquitoes are starting to bite.
We're suffering through and reporting back on If Only CATS Could Talk, available to stream on Amazon Prime.
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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album
Sunday May 05, 2019
Sunday May 05, 2019
Meet Gracie Rae. She's a psychic, an actor (not that the two have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with each other), and the subject of her very own documentary.
Thrill as Gracie Rae goes out on a limb and guesses that a woman has body image issues. Be astonished to learn a person remembers the name of her grandmother. Be disturbed as Gracie Rae bases a significant amount of her theology on the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Along the way, we discuss ghosts, inconsistent drop shadows, canned potatoes, and ego. So. Much. Ego.
The only thing we agree with Gracie Rae about is that going to her for a psychic reading really would be a last resort.
Featuring special guest co-host Jaime Hunt, and surprise appearances by Bigfoot, Chuck E. Cheese, and Gracie Rae's acting reel.
We're suffering through and reporting back on Psychic: A Gift of Grace, available to stream on Amazon Prime.
If you enjoy our podcast, please rate, review, subscribe, or tell a friend!
Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album